Prom- Check
Last Day- May 22
Senior Breakfast/Islands of Adventure- May 23
Senior Awards- May 24
Graduation- June 2
Grad Parties- June 3
UCF Orientation- June 4/5
Fathers Day Mini Vacay- June 17-19
Move Out!- June 22College Partying Begins- June 25
Party Party Party- June 25-August 3
Go Home for a Week- August 3-11
The Cruise I’m not Supposed to Know About- August 11-18
Party Party Party- August 19
Life’s great right now (:
All of our bridges burned down. I’ve wasted my nights, you turned out the lights. Now I’m paralyzed.
-Maroon 5
I’m super tired of life. I’ve made it a goal to sleep before midnight, and I’ve only been able to accomplish that for 2 nights -__- I wake up, go to school, go work out, come home, shower, and straight to nonstop homework with no Skype distractions. But I finished my first final today, and by tomorrow, my summer practically begins. I’m so ready to pass out right now, so I figured I’d do this to keep myself awake.
I noticed I only mainly write these when I realize something about myself or somethings bothering me in some way. I don’t know how it came up, but I was thinking about a quote that basically said “You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it’s harder every time. You’ll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken.” It just made me realize that karma is truly a bitch and will be out to get you. From that point I was comparing the past and present and I must say, I’m a victim of karma’s bitch. Back when I broke up with my boyfriend of a year and a half, for a good two months, I gave him mixed signals about how I felt. I didn’t want to be with him at that point, but there was a part in my heart that I just couldn’t let go of and hung out with him here and there afterwards, and told him I still cared about him and missed him. There came a time when he had to ask what we were and if we were ever gonna be together again, and still I was undecided and said to give me time to think things thru and I’ll get back to him.. In the end, I led him on after breaking up and randomly cut everything off. Funny how that story sounds so fucking familiar, and how I’m in his position and I finally realize why there’s so much hostility between us. I just wish I could’ve seen things in that perspective because I never wished for anyone to feel this way. It feels like complete shit. I just wish I had my old mentality of FUCK BITCHES GET MONEY and live life without wanting some sort of emotional attachment. I HATE THIS. I’M A FUCKING SOFTY. I WAS A HARD BITCH THAT EASILY BLEW SHIT OFF.
Anyhoo, I need to study. My mind is tired and I wanna sleep but I have two finals tomorrow morning and yeah. kbye.
Time to forget about the past. I pray for God to forgive me for everything I do, so why can’t I do it for the ones that mean most to me. Forget feeling bitter, and just move on with life. There’s a reason why the people in your past didn’t make it into your future and the ones that have are there to stay <3
woah I didn’t know this :O
THE WORLD MUST KNOW!
WHAT
What the heck…
(via juliantalens)
Dream as if you’ll live forever, life as if you’ll die today.
-J.Dean
I haven’t done these daily blogs in practically a month, cut me slack though. It’s senior year, I had projects and presentations to catch up on, along with catching up with work I’ve BS’d all year. It’s 12:16, I’m dying to go to sleep, but my mind just wont let me. I figured I needed to start these again to drain out my thoughts. I dunno, doing these just help me keep in pace with life.
Anyhoo, for a good day I thought my life was going smoothly again. Until today. I’ve learned my lesson. Never try meddling with the past in hopes that doing something may change the present and stopping trying to place your own pieces in the puzzle called life and just let things fall together! People try and spend too much time trying when God has this all figured out. He knows what’s up in your alley, and changing things now is just delaying everything He has set out for you! It feels great having senses come to me (:
So the night before I fell asleep around midnight (yess, record for me). I woke up easily and finally had everything click in my mind in class for once… Ha, until second when I completely passed out in the middle of senior presentations. Whoops. School’s been a breeze lately and I have a huge weight off my chest knowing that it’s almost over.
Even though we have one month left, stupid ass high school drama never seems to fail me. I remember talking with the group in the summer before Senior year started. Everyone came in with the same mindset. No drama, live it up, and finish the year off strong. Lmfao, look at us now. I swear, the number one thing I learned this year is to never get yourself caught up in all this unnecessary shit. Ladies and gents, don’t get caught up in finding that “significant other,” because that’s just added stress. Enjoy your friends’ company and just go with the flow of things.
…I mean unless your friends are complete pieces of shit who don’t know how to keep things to themselves and just do the complete opposite of what you tell them to do. The simplest shit of keeping their mouths close. I guess that’s how we all became friends in the first place. We all just love talking, talking shit, gossiping, spreading even more shit, etc.
What’s keeping me up the most right now tho is not knowing what I’m doing with myself. I repeat this everyday to myself. I think of some inspiration bullshit that I convince myself is the key to keeping a positive mindset, but when I place things into perspective, I don’t know what I’m doing. Yeah I’m moving to Miami in two months, but hell, I’m not ready. I just need to catch up with whats going on now and get a grip that my life is about to change. Hello real world. Hello to a city I know nothing about with no one but myself to guide me. But it’s not just that. I need to clear all the “drama?” in my life before I can proceed with what I’m doing. It’s forreal time to close the doors because I know there’s twice of much that’ll open once I accept the facts and go on.
Wow, this is just a complete unorganized mess. Atleast it shows how scattered my mind is right now. Well g’night (not really) I got things off my chest.
Truth be told I miss you, truth be told, I’m lying. When you see my face, hope it gives you hell (:
-All-American Rejects
Oh the memories of that song, and no matter when you hear it again three years later, it still fits haha. Kidding. In a way. Let’s just say that today was a great start to a spring break. I didn’t fully go all out and marked the start but I did enough to get everything warmed up. I get to first period (DE Macro) to take a test I know nothing about and practically failed. Come second period (Eng Comp), we just did more presentations and texted my mom in the middle of FIRST period to check me out and was waiting til second to get the call. I sit thru all of that period and not even get a fucking call. Went thru fucking THIRD period and didn’t get called out til 10 minutes til fourth. I fucking swear my mother’s a dumbass at times…
On a brighter note, I get home, decide to do some “spring cleaning” and cleaned up the mess I made in my room when I was drunk like a week or so ago. Lmfao. Chip crumbs and bags of chips everywhere, the carpet smelling like booze, a half eaten pizza box, and empty bottles and cans behind my bed. I’m not gonna lie, when it was happening it seemed so bad and miserable and I felt like complete shit emotionally and physically, but really, there are times when I wanna get drunk and eat a whole pizza and drown myself in misery. I know, classy. I just think the whole OD’ing on ice cream and chocolate and watching sappy love movies doesn’t do anyone any good.
Anywhoo, I washed my sheets, did laundry, folded last weeks and this weeks laundry,and got a text to meet up at Sonic during 7th, so I go half way because I ended up texting this one kid for plans, ha, distractions (; that I didn’t even go to cus of work D: so hung out with Penis Wrinkle, Patty, Blake, and Joseph for like 20 minutes than the little track group had to go leave and do their thang. Keep in mind I had intentions of just stopping by cus I was on my way to the gym. So I ask Joe what he’s doing and we just ended up hanging out (fucking chink) lol. I drop my car off at the mall and have these old people in front of me start backing out with me directly behind them, like what the fuck. I hate old people, they all deserve to die. I get in the car with this insane driver and drop off senior/baby pics and go back to bother people at the track, than went to the mall to return stuff.
I guess I need to start off with background information when telling this.. So around November of last year, my boyfriend at the time was pushing to give me his Christmas present because he was practically mad at me because I didn’t have time for him anymore. He threatened to bring it to my house, and I hated when he came to my house, so I said I was gonna pick it up the next morning on my way to school. For the past month or so, I was already crying, contemplating, being lost in how I was gonna break up with him. We both knew the day was coming and I decided that the day I said I was coming over, I was for sure going to break up with him. So I get to his house that one morning, and he comes out with this big ass decorated box quotes and pictures of us that were color coordinated according to his fav pics/pics of us/etc. He gets to my car door and I’m all sad and shit, and that’s when I said that he shouldn’t give me the gift because I didn’t think we should be together. So that gift was like horrible at timing.. He forced me to keep it and I’ve tried returning it to him and it never went thru. It took me four months to realize that I should just return it instead of finding someone to give it to. Point of that story was that I got $60 out of it and I was a happy camper.
Joe and I continue to roam the mall, and since I got my motherufcking period, I was majorly craving a strawberry milkshake but didn’t get one cus I had intentions of working out. So he insisted that we get one and there were no milkshake places at the mall so I ended up going to Fresh Cafe where they knew my order and get hit on by the worker there and being made fun of my Joe for it. Lolsss. It was all incentive to give my application now so he’ll say that I “qualify” for the job (; So it was three and I was short on time and such so we left and since I was randomly doing lundges all day, I was challenged to lundge from Macy’s to Dillards at the mall. So I did, and it’s 7:30 the next morning and my legs are burning.
Aaaaand thanks to Tyler, I’m the loneliest bitch ever right now. I miss dating. I just never put myself out there anymore to get any, fml. Oh, and this prom thing is killing me too! UGH. You know how much it sucks to see how this one tennis girl got asked to prom with tennis balls on the fence, and to have this one guy make shirts that spell out prom and wait outside her class for her to show up? Like they don’t sound great, but it’s super adorable and I’m a lonely fuck.
I get to work, get my 20 oz Red Bull, and get to work like usual. Well, tonight, only Kayla and I were working because freakin Siarra had to go to this thing she didn’t know about, which turned out being a concert. Yeah, so you know it’s busy when delivery time gets bumped up to an hour and a half. Our computer system kept crashing and people were all pissed and shit. And Kayla and I were supposed to get off at 8 and go to the movies with Danny at 9.
We finally get off and settled and I knew I had an 11:00 curfew-ish. It was already 9:30 and there wasn’t any good movies left to watch at that time. So I know that Danny always gets off at 8 when he works and we decide to go to Cracker Barrel -_- to see if he’s there. I didn’t think my lovely ex was working that day, so Kayla and I were about to walk in there, and he was off cleaning something near the front window where people come in, so I run back to a random rocking chair, arguing with Kayla on why I can’t go in there. After a good five minutes of causing a scene outside, my lovely cracker goes in there to talk and ask my ex if they’re there with this lovely attitude I didn’t even tell her to give, and just chilled in the parking lot. I will not disclose what happened after that, just no it’s nothing lesbian. Lmfao. Twas a good night, even though plans didn’t go thru.. It’s an hour and a half since I woke up from sleeping super early last night.
Spring Break 2012 <3 This shit gon be cray
If only you saw what I could see, you’d understand why I want you so desperately
-One Direction
Lol, I just stay listening to that song. Oh typical boy band stuff <3 Wow, it’s 12:36 right now and I couldn’t go on and do anything til I was finished writing this (Ha, look at this dedication). Anyways, this day was complete shit as always. I get my morning calls from the lovely Katarina at 6:35, late as always, telling me she wasn’t going to school. I actually thought I was gonna wake up early from that. So, I get to school by the bell and just chilled there in class, not paying attention, knowing there’s a test the next day. I know, my college GPA’s already fucked up as is.
I get to Eng Comp, another college class I gave up on #slackin (bahaha, I wonder if I’ll get shit for doing that on here). We basically have to do presentations efore actually presenting in front of judges. People need to learn how to be enthusiastic. Like, I’m sorry you were abused as a child, but you showed no passion, not even sadness, so I’m sorry you’re mentally scarred, but you look bored and if you’re gonna open up, you best open up fully cus sorry’s all you’re getting from me, lol. But really, this other chick did it on texting and driving and I never really cared what anyone had to say about it because I’ve always been given the “never text and drive” lecture when I wasn’t driving so I never cared because it never pertained to me. But y’know what, YOLO, all things happen for a reason so I’ll keep doing what I do (Gah, knock on wood)
So I go on with the rest of my day, chilling, texting, fooling off, the usssual. After school, I told my bosses I’d work just for that day for a three hour shift at most. So I get there and there’s already like 3 stupid ass Indian people there already. All I have to fucking say is that all of them are lazy asses. They all might as well have left. Their wife is like 4 feet of fat. She literally a big ass blob taking up space when I’m doing work. All five of them see that I have a line with 3-4 people and they expect me to make their sandwich aaand ring them up? Hello, you have all these fucking people and no one can just make this process faster. I just fucking hate all of them, and everyone’s wondering why I wanna quit. Fckkk that.
Well, since I’m truly writing that last bit like two days later, I don’t know what else to say. All I gotta say is that I’m slacking. I’m getting better, I’m awake at 6:30 writing this (:
Truth only means something when it’s hard to admit.
-Nicholas Sparks
Today was a complete bum day for me -__- Woke up late, got to school by they bell, and realized that I had homework due for Algebra that was due by 2:30. I practically hauled ass this morning, grabbed my laptop and sped to pick Kat up. So I get to school, start working on the 60 something problems due, call it a day and tell my (friend) that I can So, today’s exactly one month away from States and Gradbash. Woo? I’m currently Skyping Joe right now, discussing how much we’re not looking forward to any of this and it’s just something that we’re just gonna have to go thru and go on with. All I know is that school’s over for me in a month, I’m ready to just take everything in and wrap up this chapter of my life.
So I was set on taking my friend to the doctor at noon and have her skip school, turns out that she “couldn’t” and left me with no workout clothes and ended up pigging out at Barnes & Nobles til the FBLA “meeting” started. Ohh, I ended up buying a water bottle in the cafeteria and ran into an Army recruiter that I ran into at the rec office one day. We ended up talking about my plans and had Melissa (my Asian cuzzo <3) back me up and got introduced to the other Recruiter who happened to be half Filipino, half Viet and completely understood my outlook on everything.
Meeting came around and there was literally four of us -__- fucking hate the officers this year. I’m not going on some rant about how they go up on obligated club days and tell people we’re doing something after school one day as they leave when the bell rings. Like wtf. Bright side, we got some good ass vendors and people coming up and our productivity was better than if any other members were there (:
As I was leaving for class, I knew I was already late if I wanted to start my test early. On the way there I contemplated on stopping by a gas station to get my daily dose of Red Bull and decided to just keep driving. Anyhoo, I get to PHCC to find no decent parking spots, ended up running to class, to find no test code on the board. In my mind I was thinking, “maybe she’ll put it up at exactly 3:30 so everyone has a fair shot at time.” So I log onto MyMathLab to find that the course was down and that if it didn’t work by 3:35, there won’t be a test nor class cus our class is strictly online based. 3:35 comes around and she sends us home :DDD I figured I could possibly hang out with Xiohara & Xavier, y’know since I didn’t drive
30 miles to get to class, and all I gotta say is that Dade City is a piece of shit. Even if you wanted to or you could, there’s no place to just chill at. I ended up hitting Daniel up to see if he was home because I completely forgot I was supposed to hang out with him after school, and just ended up talking to him for the next three hours on the phone. I barely talk to this kid anymore, but this kid is crayyy. There’s absolutely no shame when telling him about what I’m into and such. In the process of all that, I ended up confessing my feelings about this one kid and I’m proud of myself knowing that I can give myself the same advice that everyone else would give to me and that I know that I can open up my feelings and get an honest output of what to say/do with this kid.
Yada yada yada, I end up coming home like an hour earlier than I usually do and just pass out instead of being completely productive. I wake up randomly at seven and just had the typical reunion conversation with this kid I haven’t talked to in years. There’s just something about catching up with people again.. Anywayssss, I’m falling asleep as I’m pulling this last paragraph together and that’s basically all that happened today. I know, boring day, but that’s life, deuces <3
Tom had finally learned, there are no miracles. There’s no such thing as fate, nothing is meant to be. He knew, he was sure of it now. Coincidence, that’s all anything ever is, nothing more than coincidence…
-500 Days of Summer
Okay, So I just finished watching 500 Days of Summer, obviously ^, and now I feel like “complete and utter bullshit.” Haha, I’m gonna be quoting this movie for a while. Despite the fact that I’ve been questioning my mentality and ‘ways of thinking,’ this movie made everything worse. Maybe I just need to let go of everything. Let go of my mindset, let go of feelings that make me feel the way I do, let go of every ounce of hope in me, and see where this takes me. Who knows, I’ll find someone who makes me change they way I see life without actually telling me, and maybe I’ll rediscover how and what I think love really is. Kidding. No. I promised myself today that I’m strictly dating. No more relationships for me for a while. Four months ago, I told this myself I was done until I knew I was ready. Then.. I thought I was and I rushed into something that turned out to be a bittersweet experience. So I, Abby Espanol, promise to not let a guy get to me until I am emotionally stable and ready to give my all. No bullshit, no holding back, just a completely rediscovered Abby :D Anyways, got off track; Overall, crying wise, this movie was weakkkkk. I expected me to be bawling over this for the rest of the night and all I got were four tears and I was clear (Ha, that rhymed). Lol, I’ma make my own 500 days and call this day (69) I’m not kidding either. Awk how it turned out that way…
Soooo, other than the rant, I got to school late this morning to see a good friend o’ mine that’s needed my help for a while now cry to the bathroom. Of course, I meet up, to find her in a state that I never wished anyone I knew or myself to be in. I was in her situation months ago, but took action once I knew things went wrong. I could only imagine the fear and pain she’s going thru right now. Sex has a completely new meaning to me now. It’s more than just lust and being horny, but you have to go into it, knowing that you’re with someone that you can trust and know will be there thru thick or thin. Okay, there’ll be exceptions to the rule when you just gotta fuck and I know, but you just have to be smart about what you’re doing.. and don’t have sex or you’ll get pregnant… and die.
On happier thoughts, I’m slowly getting back to my old self again (: Then again, everyone has a one week grace period after an “unfortunate event” to be out of it, and since it’s been, I’m getting back into being some pyched out health freak again who eats an apple a day and drinks eight glasses of water and works out on a daily basis. All I gotta say is binge drinking and eating did horrible things to me. Don’t do it or your ass will deflate like mine -__-
BT Dubsss, I’m gonna try out this thing where I don’t speak spanish to say hoe-la or adios to people anymore and just say “Ciao.” Bahaha, I heard Kat talking to her dad and say this and thought it was completely adorable and new rather than how everyone else says hola. So, Ciao.
XOXO,
I know you love me!
-A
^See what I did there?
Haha, never again.
It’s only cute when GG does it.
okimdonenowimjustrantingatthispointkciao(;
“I think I’ve discovered the secret of life - you just hang around until you get used to it” -C. Schulz
I’m so brain dead right now. I’ve currently been awake for the past 40 hours and I’m a complete wreck. Being on Skype for a solid 8 hours with Tyler and Joe trying to finish a paper that my graduation depends on, puts the cherry on top of everything. Plus side, I got hooked on Red Bulls today, so goodbye to Starbucks for a while.
Things have finally hit me that I’m not ready for life at all. I remember the argument I had with my parents 8 years ago when I was 9 when I yelled at them and told them I couldn’t wait til I was 18 so I could leave. Don’t get me wrong, I’m more than enthused that, that day is only three months away, but it’s just so sureal. Life’s moving faster than what I could take in and in the future, I’ll look back and laugh at myself for all the things I got worked up about right now.
Three months ago, I told myself that I’d write a blog post for everyday of my life as a diary/journal thing for the last day’s of my senior year. Prom is less than two months away and I’m dress and dateless -__- It sucks that I’m nowhere near excited about anything, I just need that extra boost of happiness.
Oh, after spending my whole school day writing that stupid paper that I never want to think about again, I spent the next five hours at PHCC. First of all, where are all the sexy guys I saw when I was registering for classes? I can’t stand being in that environment with all these introverted people that are all socially awkward. Anyways, their stupid ass wifi wasn’t working on my laptop and at that point I had 45 minutes to write a thousand words and turn it in. Today was just not my day for anything..
Despite the fact I have a 2000 word paper that I only have 88 words into, I feel like life’s falling into place. Tonight is truly a beautiful night and I feel the life in me coming back again and I guess God saw me crying for help (wow, I’m getting all religious, so unlike me) Anyways, seeing a shooting star for the first time made me realize that I should stop and smell the flowers for once. I’ve been too caught up on everything else going on that I guess everything that’s happened in the past week made me hit rock bottom. I’m still hurting, but I can see myself in the mirror and know who I am. I’m still that strong- willed girl that can see the light in every bad situation. I have one last 4Loko on my bedside that I just threw away. Tomorrow’s a new day to a new week, and that’s when I declare change. I’ve held back this whole week and lowered myself to a person that I was in the past. Alcohol has always been a problem, and at times of helplessness, I always turned back to. ”Everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they’re right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” Things are getting better now, weather they end up in a happy ending or not, better things will come to me when I need them most <3
—3OH!3
